'Do you believe in magic?' The story of my initiation.

I happen to be one of those Indian people who misses god but only when there's a need. Need based prayers when I'm scared or too angry and mostly when I've misplaced something. (which happens a lot) No wait, I also happen to think of god when things begin to go too much my way. I suppose then I miss or think of god out of fear. And force myself into a silent prayer. 

I pity myself sometimes for being such a tangle of emotions and schools of thought, especially since I don't entirely follow anyone of them. 

Like sometimes I don't believe God exists at all. Yup, the watchmaker analogy of intelligent design made for a purpose as proposed by William Paley accordingly to which - when simply put - means, if there exists a watch with its complex design and functioning, there must surely exist a watchmaker. i.e.: a more superior being that held the capability to design such a thing to begin with. And thus far, I haven't met anyone who knows our creator leave alone knows where he lives. 

That being said, I still enjoy belonging to my Hindu cult and follow religious practices as advised by our guru / master, such as always being kind, not harming or killing other beings how ever big or small they might appear, not eating meat and eggs. Depending on only plans and dairy for survival since they are both replenished and if required add the least amount of negative elements to our karma cycle (plant killing - 1 element in opposition of human killing - 5 or animal killing which is 4, bird being - 3 and insects being 2 if you get the drift) why I do this? Because man is a social animal and we start to realise and acknowledge the importance of staying or being part of a community only once we become more aware of who we are, what independence is and develop basic survival instincts. After all, as kids we aren't really entitled or aware of the concept of co-dependency or religion or community, norms, rules,security  etc and we just do as we are taught or as we are taken care of. 

I believe the best magic is elaborately created illusion and visual story telling and nothing more. Nothing less. I appreciate the art. 

I think all those baba's who can make crippled kids walk or the blind see again is all staged. Or in a way - i also appreciate how they manage to use their act as a way to derive the courage in people to do what they themselves thought impossible on their own. 

I know that sometimes - people just know things. Be it about themselves, or sometimes about others. Like i very accurately and sure shortly told my sister the instant i found out she was pregnant that they were going to have a baby girl. Nine months later they did and she still asks me why i was so sure. I cant say why, but i knew. Just like sometimes in movies they quote - 'he knew he exactly how he would die or when he would die and then he did, exactly like he used to say it. Sometimes, some people just know things. There no sure logic to it. But they just know.  

Which brings me to my faith in partially believing in fortune telling being related to expression reading and horoscope apps being build on algorithm that uses probability while randomly throwing pre-fed database of predictions thought their interfaces which can either be a hit or miss but mostly accepted by us people as we want to believe in or usually end up building co-relation between our life and the said prediction about the day, month or year ahead. (Usually also occasionally swaying decisions and life choices because of what we believe to already know based on them) Cruel trick i tell you.. Especially why i dislike 8balls, however fun or addictive they might be when you're looking for answers in the unknown. 

At the same time i also believe that god, the so called higher manifestation who we hold so superior in our eyes and minds, give multiple shapes, name and meanings to is actually a projection of our own strength  and hope from whom we draw higher energy and hope from. 'In knowing we are secure, when er don't believe in ourselves, but surely someone else does', even when we haven't really verified its/his existence ever. And in the end - when something happens in our favor we thank the all mighty, or start and coincidental good luck and when it doesn't we blame it on past bad karma or bad luck. 

No no. don't call me naive. I'd like to believe in magic, in something out there that's greater than us, a more evolved and much more advance and intelligent life force. (yup, i liked the theory and concept as explained in Prometheus) So this next para is about my initiation of faith or lets say magic and my take on it. 

Before i begin, let me also state a few words of wisdom; "When you whole heatedly want something, the entire universe conspires with you to make it possible, for you to have it."  

So. What different are the Indian concept of Kundali reading and matching? That's one are that recently baffled me. My brother-in-law recently downloaded this kundli reading app. Which tells one about their life in general, human traits, personal characteristics, lucky days, numbers, colors apart from generating health predictions, monetary predictions, relationship or love life predictions and work/education life predictions apart from being able to match traits with another person based on ones name, date of birth, time of birth and place of birth. 

ironically, while he sent me mine, knowing my practicality and frame of mind he happen to say - well, we have been practicing this for hundred of years, so it might not be fully accurate, but there must be something right or correct in it? I accepted the logic with open arms and tired to read through what came next with an open mind. 

Usually I'd say when some app or fortune teller or card reader reads out my personality traits or tells me about my self i feel its just a whole lot of words and ways of saying the same common things that can be used to describe anyone. i.e.: common stuff that everyone can be classified with. But this time, shit got real. I was expecting much more trivial stuff but instead it was actually quite accurate. Especially about my health, my nature, my physical built etc. OK, so that's like the pre-build up for the story to follow this app wants me to be believe was my first thought? But i ignored it, for once. 

What got to me was the kundali matching bit. And since i had an entire past to verify the details against   i can safely say, 'maybe' i got it all wrong. Maybe there are somethings that defy logic. At least my understanding of it. 

Like the bit about matching the 36 leafs in both humans involved in kundali reading. They say the more number of leafs that match - the better the outcome of compatibility and marriage. My brother in-law's and sisters case - only 14 leafs matched yet they are one of the happier or happiest of couples post marriage that i know. (my sister didn't want to marry him at all - but that's a story for another time)

Now, like i mentioned earlier - sometimes the universe conspires with you. To give you or send across a message you most need at a particular time in your life. It has its way of reaching out to you at the exact time of your need. I suppose you just need to be open minded about accepting these signs and signals. 

He sent me the kundali match of my beloved ex and me. He said since we didn't know his time of birth he tried almost all permutations and combinations and yet (giving it margin of error even - since it is an electronics app) it threw an extraordinarily good result! In worst case it threw 28/36 and best case 30/36. Which for normal people and things is unimaginably high! And despite which in the end conclusion, it advised we don't get married! Since i was kind of struggling with this one boy, i suppose it was the universe's message to me to finally let go after a long 10 months of holding on. (which had been unrealistically long for me, even by my own standards and logic's of time to get over instead of rebounding phases) 

It also very clearly explained that despite being the perfect fit for each other in every accept - be it mental stimulation, physical attraction, consistency in mutual love, respect and loyalty for each other, emotional dependency, bringing each other happiness, smoothness in living together or satisfaction in bed, we both lacked or rather scored a zero in this one department, which is called 'Nadi'. Now since i have a 4 year long experience of knowing my ex. both as friends and a partner i related to it. What it said was - the closer we grew - the more bad luck and misfortune we would cause or bring upon each other. Which has been the case i suppose all along. And i mean quite severely. Unimaginable amount of pain and misfortune to be stating it lightly! 

This helped me in two ways. Being at peace with myself for the past, the falling apart and letting go bit of our relationship. And giving me hope for the future. As much as i love the boy and always will, i also believe in the concept of there being up to 7 soul mates in any given point in time in life that one can stumble upon in a single life time. I guess what ever i do now, I'll never let him get that close again.I wouldn't want to deliberately cause harm to anyone as my guru advises or even for my own personal gain as a fellow human being? And since it also said a thing or two about my future i believe there are other soul mates yet to be found. 

My next objective so is to explore this concept of Kundali and also Naadi astrology. (not to be confused with Nadi as mentioned above) which is an art of ancient lead reading based on ones thumb impressions. After all, there's no logic is believing in something without sufficient proof, data or logic to support it. And we were made intelligent to be able to question everything with a why rather than blindly following it to ones convenience. (even though it is what i did, for now! because i suppose i needed to hear something like it.)