This happens to be one photo I've recently had clicked with friends that secretly says two things to me;
1. If i ever marry and have kids, they'll grow up to see much more images than we saw of our parents thanks to Facebook and Instagram (and blogger) and half of them will inspire them to smoke and drink straight out of school.. Christ.
2. To the future generation this is what the new hippie generation would look like?! The one we call the 60-70's as of now.
I mean look at me?! I'm wearing 'golden' pants! And a over sized long shirt with chappals. Almost no makeup and such hippie straight brown long hair. I'm half proud and half looking at myself in aghast in this photo.
Do I look mature or do I look silly holding that beer and chatting up to a friend who i don't know yet is a friend I've made for the long haul?
Ok I'm very bad at keeping friends. In voluntary, but I'm working on it. The amount of initiative I take or effort I make to meet people now, to have alone time with close friends, to open up to them like normal people is at least x10 times of what I've been used to doing in the past.
Ritualistically organizing night outs, coordinating with everyone for casual drinks or dinner or movies, organizing surprise birthday parties even, isn't something I've ever really put so much mind or heart into.
I think I'll give half the credit to existing friends for teaching me how or at least encouraging me or supporting ritualistic group-ism.
I like the person I've become. Some things have come back to normal after such a long time even. Like my urge to read, to explore, to photograph, to write, to dance!, to drink, to be passionately interested in people and to go out of my way just to facilitate needs and wants I consider friends.
I'm also somewhere happy that men think twice before approaching me!, (Laughs) and that they need to somewhere, at some point, prove worthiness, call them selves 'real men', gentlemen and what not.
But most of all, I'm happy that I've given myself sufficient time as always to put my heart to rest. Left no stone unturned and then settled for what ever it is that life plans to throw at me next.
If I were to run into any of my ex's, which is common for me, I'm appreciated for being neutral, nonjudgmental, loving yet distant and mysterious as I am again. Christ I think i should be sad but I'm actually glad I'm still the stabilizing factor to so many people and so many lives. That I can call a spade a spade (again) and not over shower someone with kind words, rather show people the mirror because that's what good friends do. Not sugar coat opinions or fake them to suit you.
Am actually more than happy to have found such a group now that really valise such things and keeps things straight. For ones I know if I have a flat tier I can call them even in the middle of the night from the other corner of the city to help me. That's... Comforting.
I've grown so many folds over this past year, I'm starting to appreciate myself again. Starting to see that beautiful person in the mirror again. I feel genuinely happy and peaceful most days, and for once I've reflected on all my silly habits and come out to make the best of them.
Fir once I'm putting my pride and more so my dignity before others. And I think I have some people from my past to profoundly to thank for it. I recently walked out on a really bad guy even before things could get hot and heavy and didn't want to explain or justify myself.
I'm going more and more with inklings and they're proving me right. I refuse to wait around and sulk or mourn or to believe something isn't right and I certainly don't give strangers or random friends the margin of human error anymore. Its working out beautifully.
Yes, I get called uptight or too busy at times but who minds those titles or tags when it means being contend with once self or with preferring to spend time alone than with dull company. I mean, I am enjoying writing this after all.
I've come back to my rules:
1. A girl never asked a guy out. (Not that I ever do, but I did bend than rule this one time and well.. Its not a happy memory)
2. Materialism and beauty can only take you this far and if someone lacks the eyes to see your inner beauty, they need to rethink what age group then want to flirt with again.
3. I'm happier building things by hand! And I appreciate gifts and art and all things that take effort to create. That are unique, they mesmerize me. From thought inception to physical execution.
4. Its ok opening up personally to a selected few, but its also ok to chat up total random strangers. How else does one make new friends with such closed mindsets?
5. There exist men and woman who treat each other equally. Not just to impress someone but actually believe in equality in every sense. Being bitchy is a personal choice but passing opinions about someone's character or demeaning someone even just in casual conversations doesn't have to be put up with. I'm all in for that.
6. Honesty is the best policy. And its never too late to stop lying, especially beginning at yourself.
7. You can't keep everyone happy, and you can't stay happy if you can't define the right set of people who's happiness keeps you happy. This one I've learned the hard way, self taught after stumbling and the one I appreciate the most.
8. Which brings me to number eight - Priorities matters. Personal opinions matter. Else you're just trying to be a pale reflection of someone else.
9. Give your heart a well deserved break and don't just settle for anything. Its tough but its rewarding. Especially never elude yourself by making over- efforts at your end and believing others are reciprocating. People don't all react like us. We need to learn to see their actions in unbiased light.
10. Forgive, stay happy, stay humble, live easy.
Hmm. I'm happy with my new list. Thought I'm sure I've missed a lot. But stating such things makes all the difference. Maybe someday ideas will also get passed down along with mysterious dozens of photos and someone will truly know who you are than just what you looked like.
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