Nothing but the truth

High time i put it up here.

Hey you, yes you. You know I've written this for you. And you very well know you had it coming.

Here are a few things  always wanted to tell you and i wish i did. Oh how i wish someone did. But no one can and no one will (dare) say it, cause you have quite a thick skull that's why. And very heavy hands. And a very very foul mouth.

I know you'll eventually stumble upon this, post which you'll act like you never did. Cause frankly you don't have the courage or the balls to take shit, to handle real shit.

Numero uno: You have daddy issues. When i stepped away, as far as i could or possibly can i see that you have made your self a group of uncivilized yuppies who all have had daddy issues. When your father's were most suppose to be looking after you they were uncircumstancially not there. So of of course your morals are a bit wrong, you've fathered your friends and they have fathered you. Which is a good thing, but most definitely not the best thing.

Evidently your numb brain take away from this post will be: She spoke ill of my father! OhMyFuckingRidiculousGod!

No.

This is me complimenting you.

The problem: Men are inherent problem solvers, you speak to them and they don't focus on the emotion or understand the concept of emotional reinforcement, rather they begin by saying and directly doing things that help in problem resolution. This applies even to cases when men confide in other men. But of course, the other men will look at it in the same way - 'problem resolution'.

E.g.: You tell your friend you're hurt, he'll being by verbally comforting you by giving the most easy solution - 'Move away from the situation, it's bad for you.' And the more you confide in them, the more they will find the balls to say shit to comfort you. Even when that means talking shit about another person. Over and over and over again. Hey, no harm done to them! After all, a man wants to to just see his best friend happy. Even if it means not personally knowing the girlfriend and ONLY knowing on side of the story - that too the bad parts which you have chosen to share with your friends. But it gives them the courage to say shit about her. First to you, then amongst themselves, then to others, and finally to who ever they stumble upon -  who is even an acquaintance to the girl casing you emotion heart ache.

Q: What is the outcome?
- You ruin the reputation of the girl. The one you were planning on marrying at one point.
- You know better, but its easier to believe what shit is being said to you or discussed with you repeatedly. 
- You've successfully managed to manipulate the truth, which ultimately destroys both the bad,  especially the GOOD you shared with another human being.
- You begin to hate someone infinitely - without ever giving it another earnest thought 'bout what's actually going on in your own brain' as to why or how you got that far.
- And congratulations, you've successfully managed to turn other people (apart from yourself) who doesn't know her into her hater. You've misused your power of influence over people who trust you.

What you should do: treat a lady like a lady. Shut your friends up. Imagine tomorrow, years later you run into the same girl again. Things happen, maybe you work with her, maybe she turns out to become your friend again. Then what? Maybe your bickering made you fine, but after effects might have given her sleepless nights? Given her self esteem issues? Psychologically damaged her growing up years.

And ultimately what reputation do your friends really have of you?

Ok maybe that's too high funda for you: Putting it in easier words - What if someone did something like that to your sister? Or god forbid -  your daughter? If you can do this to someone you were madly in love with once upon a time, how much does that make you value your current or future girlfriend?

Or are woman just 'state of mind enhancers' for you and you really don't think the other gender is worth respecting for real?

The Second:
Best stories aren't smooth sailing. Nothing smooth sailing ever lasts.
People who fight it out, fight with each other the most - are at least expressing their feelings and bringing the shit out in the open rather than letting it brew into something more disastrous for the future. You forgot TJ? Such a classic example of what happen to his life - and in turn what he did to her life? (her not mine)
And fighting doesn't only mean fighting with each other, it also means fighting FOR EACH OTHER.

The problem:
An onlooker doesn't understand the issues or sees them with the same depth or knowledge and emotions as you do. (or you can)
Things didn't work out? Fine. As long as the other person puts their feelings and emotions out there in all honesty, its not bad. But who is the correct gauge of that? Only you are. It's easy to look away later, blame only the other person and move on. Heck we stay in a world where that works. As long as one manages to sleep peacefully at night right??

Wrong.

It is not ok.

Come backs, rather revenge is never the answer. You for one typically don't know when to stop. Never have known, never will know. You play it by your ego. Completely cutting out the sentimental and emotional side of you.

I've seen this not once, not twice but a dozen times. You might love like there's no tomorrow when with someone, but you fight like there was no yesterday when things go bad. Or maybe so has been the case with me specifically.

You forget all boundaries and play dirtier and dirtier and dirtier. You take away the meaning and feeling behind the fighting, the revenge, the comeback. The whole exercise looses its meaning eventually. Furthermore, you get so carried away you forget what or why you began and only end up with bad thoughts and negative feelings.

Q: How have you been compartmentalizing so much bad energy? What part of your soul is it silently eating away?

What you should do:
- Be honest to your self more. I've a sever problem of successfully only managing one thing at a time. It fuckes me up otherwise. Quit literally. I cant sleep or stand myself. I've taken every comment or remark to heart.

As outcome - I've mend my ways. Paved ways for better because by backing away from plain fighting and actually working on rout causes I've made sure I've not formed patterns.

You brutally said to me : you did the same thing to Karan what I did by messaging her. Remember? Hence i passafied and backed away slowly. I mend it further by offering my full support and showering a mutual friend with praises and good wishes when Karan got into another relationship recently.

When you threatened me and TJ, you called me a 'spouse stealer' in all your anger. Look where i am today. I've lost you, but i sleep better at night knowing I've patched them back up. Knocked sense into him and send him back home. It was always going to take time. I had to tell you to back away (which you didn't even when i told you i don't love you, which i did and still do..) cause i couldn't stand you being part of a mess i co-created and i died every time i saw your face or said your name.. (this was the explanation i couldn't give you when we lived thru the worse and you wanted answers.. The reason we fought and stopped talking in the end)..

I further went ahead and told another elder gentlemen who hit on me in my new office to back away just to prove to myself that it wasn't a pattern, that i genuinely made a mistake last time and it was a one off. (I went ahead and complain to my super boss who even managed to smoothen out things.)

=Restating - i was exemplifying to you the kind of things you should give a shit about. And the kind of actions that would really mean you made something of it. =

Or maybe i think you're a real man, while you're just still a silly boy with toy emotions.

What you should do: Now is not the time. Its too late now. At least while you're seeing someone else. So you should do nothing. But at least stop saying it to your self that i did you wrong. I had my complicated reasons. You always knew i was very complex emotionally. But you also knew i never said anything bad or let you say anything bad behind anyone's back, no matter how much we hated anyone. So how or when did you start believing so casually that i could mean to harm you or INTENTIONALLY say or do anything to hurt you? That i am a bad person, that I'm psychotic.

Please start internalizing the above.

Fighting for someone isn't what is the definition of psychotic Ro. Nor is crazy. You know that very well. I cant fight you anymore, it's you I've been fighting for...

Don't just be a baby and think of only your own toes and fingers. I hurt you, you shed tears. I've shed then too. You can't change that fact.

And I've had no friends to share my sorrows with unlike you. That's also a fact you know very well. (I've always followed the law of Omerta, it's high time you finally do Google it.)

And please for Christ's sake you're two girlfriends ahead of me. I don't get why you still talk of me or how or why i still end up as a topic of discussion for you. What is it that you don't acknowledge withing yourself Ro? How much further will you run?

Issue 3:
Boys should not council boys. And you should be very careful about the words you should use in front of boys who look up to you as a vague fatherly figure.

Please begin by minding your own language. If you talk ill about woman or anyone or set a certain type of tone for people, those who look up to you will form the same tone. You might know your own reasons for using that tone and you might know the place and time you use it but those listening might not know the delicate intricacies.

Your younger one called me filth right behind my back in your favorite club. And i remember his exact words. He said it in hindi and he said it to his friend who rides the Harley. I did not react. I did not complain or create an issue. But for Christ sake, please set the tone. Tomorrow you will have to bear the brunt of that yourself otherwise.

You have your own limitations and i blame uncle not being around enough or at the right years to knock these things straight with you boys. But you have been the man of the house, the protector, the father figure to your younger brother apart from being the prodigal badass son. It's made you crude in some ways but please, its not the value set you should be passing down.

I've come to realize there are two boys in your group apart from your own brother; sardar and Harley boy who dad's stranded them at an early age. Who look up to you, while you managed your own family equilibrium you unknowingly also made an impression on them about who or how the man of the house should be. You know they follow you step after step. You've done an excellent job as their confederate and friend. But in your ignorance you've overlooked the morals you pass on to them. Hence i ask you to empathize with my pointed out issues and really read this proper.

Empathy is born out of need. Need is born out of deficiency. Deficiency might not always be in our control but empathy is. Being receptive is. Taking that matured action is.

You can be the shit, the bomb, the gangster or the black ram of the family but not at the cost of another human beings self worth.

Number char:
Learn to give people second chances.
You moron. I'm not desperate. I'm a girl and yes I'm smart. But love is love. Yes i have heard your shapeel about it being over between us, you being head over heels madly in love with a second girl in a row and all that. But why do you come by to check my unimportant blogs, Twitter handles, and so on? Why am i still a hot piece of gossip? Why entertain thoughts of me at all?

I've made my fair amount of mistakes and hence I'm in no position of asking you to stop doing what you are doing. I recently found out that your best bud who stays in my building got engaged to Ak. Firstly my many congratulations to him. I know he doesn't think too highly of me. But that's not in my control. The circumstances have been out of my control. Except i admit - he might hate me further because of how things went down between the both of us.. But you know in our conversations about him, i always meant well for him. But me? Some bad Karma i guess... Or maybe you just want to see me hurt or talk shit. That's a symptom as well you know, the cause may lay somewhere else...

Anyhow.

Oh boy, i just hope you haven't gone into competition mode. Everything usually comes like waves amongst all you boys. If one jumps into the well, everyone else would too.
Please don't make hasty decisions. I'm sure you haven't bought the furniture or the crockery and cutlery or shifted to a proper place yet. (or have you forgotten your drunk talking to me so many different nights last year or do you choose to believe that they didn't ever happen?)

We've seen worse. We've lived thru the worse. We pulled thru. You knocked sense into me to get thru it. We fell apart when i caved in cause of all your questioning. When i held back a little bit longer than i should have and that ruined us. You felt bad. Really bad. That's why when i didn't wish you, you didn't wish me bday the next month either. And then you just became negative starting by being guilty yourself for hustling me for your ex..

Hmm.. That's the beauty of love. You forgive.

And mind you, it's not fucking desperation.

But thankfully, all in all we fought like kids, at least i did. Not keeping anytime inside. No diplomatic wording. So dead naked and brutally honest despite knowing what is the best way to talk to you. I'm still not doing that.

Yes we fell apart. Yes we had also already spoken about it at the start. We knew what we were getting into. We were bound to screw up once, twice, thrice even. But maybe it was just a fault in our stars then. I've loved you from the moment i set my eyes on you in the summer of 2009. We have had so many ups and downs since then. Fought so many times. I know this time it went a bit too far. But hey, it's your fault you didn't stick around to reap the fruits of the seeds you so strongly, willingly, lovingly sowed. I don't want you to stop doing what you're doing, i just want that someday you just.. Give yourself the chance to eat the fruits of your labor. (at this rate you'll only get murraba with aloo ka parantha -  and i know you won't be able to make sense of this pun sadly)

Frankly i don't know what I'd say or do either. For now i just want to be friends and see where it goes. But amongst all people i know or have known i don't want you away from my life. I miss my friend first. Then i miss everything else about us later. As for over thinking what will happen - oh common when did you start to fear adventures?

What you should do:
- Stop treating me like an typical ex. We've been friends far longer than we dated. Its not a routine thing for you and it hasn't been for me either. I still haven't digested the fact we aren't friends. I miss you. But i respect your 'I'm with a girl and i don't talk to anyone else policy' of abstinence! And well, agree to this and rest we'll deal with the rest later.
- Stop with the fucking 'oh time has passed'  and 'There are no comebacks' dipshit dialogues. We are all humans. All great things are challenging. If you remember you took the challenge of 'getting back at my by being with your last ex by proving to yourself you could do better'... Dude if you can put yourself to that kind of challenge, at least man up and take a responsible one on. We're growing older love, one day at a time..
- Don't get annoyed. You're child like in some parts of your head which have not evolved with the rest of you. Maybe its time you change that about yourself. (and i say this with the best intentions. I could have sugar coated it, but then it would have sounded like everything but the truth'. Nor would it be like me to write pretentious words)

There are more things.
But to begin with, these are fine...