Thursday, September 11, 2014

Retarded instances from my life, part 1

I'm thinking bout something
Which is very stupid.
When i was young, you wouldn't believe the stupid things I'd do or I'd say.

I'd say.
"When i get angry or tense,
I start mumbling in French."
And I'd mumble some mumbo jumbo French-sounding shit.
In front of people!!
Actual people!
You know
As if talking in distress.
Can you believe i actually did that in public?
I think my parents dropped me a couple of times too many
On my head
As a baby.
Cant blame them,
I must have been really wobbly and impatient.
The point is, i said i knew French
While i don't.
I didn't.
But i said i did.
And i had the audacity to mumble shit in public.

Ok, i can't stop laughing
Want to read another one?

So i had this very peculiar biology teacher, who also happen to be my class teacher.
And she disliked me enough to make sure i always sat in the front row for her class.
Even the free periods she substituted.
So you know those small mint boxes?
izon mint?
In that small gray box?
or izon?
No no mints,
Not medicine.
Small white tablets of mint?
Ozon! That's it!
These were pretty new back then.
Like only 10% people knew bout them.
Every time I'd catch her peculiarly noticing what I'm doing in class,
So firstly if you put a hyper active kid in front of the class while everyone gossiped in the back,
I would start pretending I'm a drug addict. (Or whatever my version of a drug addict was in my head.)
And that I'm looking for something in my backpack and desk that i might have lost. Like suddenly beginning to panic!
And I'd pretend to grow out of breath.
And then with trembling hands,
Open the pack i had concealed in the
Palm of my hand.
Take two tablets (mints)
Pop them into my mouth
Making extra sure the teacher saw the funny white pills
And pretend to down them with water
And then pretend they calmed my nerves down.
And eventually stop huffing and puffing.

Cool huh?
Want to know another one, or are you done?

So i loved the school library.
But i had a very bad habit of scribbling in books.
And every time I'd read a really old book,
Like a classic,
I'd leave random love notes pre-dated
To the 1800
As if the book existed even back then.
Even if it was a new book.
And I'd write long fucking love notes.
Like as if the book was gifted,
And that was a personalized message
For the original recipient.
One time i killed a large mosquito,
And after a chapter wrote a
Love oath
Claiming signing it in real blood.

This isn't creativity,
I think this is what you call retardedness!
I think i mostly lived in my own head.
Guess that hasn't changed so much.
I'm still anti social on the inside,
And this is what i did to pass time.

But i pulled speaking French off in public! -_-
Maybe that'll be part of  a book i write.

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